The Origin of the Stages

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced the five stages of grief model in her 1969 book, "On Death and Dying." The model was developed through her work with terminally ill patients, observing the common emotional experiences they faced as they grappled with their diagnoses. Initially intended to improve the care and understanding of those nearing the end of life, Kübler-Ross's stages quickly gained recognition for their applicability to a broader spectrum of loss experiences.

The stages provided a framework that resonated not only with healthcare professionals but also with anyone undergoing significant personal losses. Over time, this model has been utilised to support grieving processes in various contexts, aiding countless individuals and families in understanding their journeys through grief and helping them to find a path towards healing.

What Are The Stages and are they linear?

While many discuss the five stages as if they occur in a linear (a specific order) fashion, that's not usually the case.

Kübler-Ross herself clarified that these stages are not set in stone; they can occur in any order and may even be skipped entirely. Grieving is a personal experience, and each loss can bring about different emotions.

• Denial: In the immediate aftermath of a loss, it's common to feel emotionally detached. Some people act as if nothing has changed, struggling to accept the reality of the loss. Sensing the presence of the deceased is also not uncommon.
• Anger: Feeling angry is a natural part of the grieving process. The finality of death can seem unjust, particularly if the person passed away unexpectedly or if there were future plans. Anger can also be directed at the deceased or even oneself.
• Bargaining: During moments of intense emotional pain, it's tempting to think that certain actions could reverse the situation. This stage, known as bargaining, often involves making internal deals or invoking a higher power. It's also typical to dwell on "what if" scenarios, pondering how different choices could have led to a different outcome.
• Depression: The emotional weight of grief often manifests as profound sadness or depression. This emotional low can be overwhelming and may come in waves over an extended period. It can make life seem devoid of purpose.
• Acceptance: While the pain of loss may never fully disappear, most people eventually reach a point of acceptance. This doesn't mean "getting over" the loss but rather learning to live anew, cherishing the memories of the departed.