Survival and Resilience

Andrew’s story is all about surviving and bouncing back from some really tough times. He recently hit a big milestone: the day he threw away all his self-harm tools.

My new girlfriend is the reason I could throw away all my self-harm tools and try to get well.

Challenges Growing Up

Growing up, Andrew had a rough time. He went through various forms of abuse and saw violence at home.

I watched my mother be abused as a helpless child. I was beat up and abused.

At school, he was bullied all the time, which left him with deep emotional scars. In school, groups of bullies surrounded, derided, and assaulted me, he shared.

The adults in his life often didn’t protect or support him, leading to long periods of neglect and isolation. I went through long periods of injury and trauma completely neglected by the adults in my life, he added.

Understanding Complex PTSD

In the UK, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is often split into different types:

• PTSD
• Complex PTSD

Unlike PTSD, which usually comes from a single traumatic event, Complex PTSD comes from prolonged, repeated trauma, often in childhood. Andrew thinks he fits into this category because his traumas lasted many years. He explains, I think I would qualify as having Complex PTSD. My abuses and traumas were over many years.

Impact on Interpersonal Relationships

These experiences had a big impact on his relationships with others. The constant criticism and bullying made Andrew believe that rejection would always lead to more mistreatment. He shared, My bullies always criticised me before abusing me, so I learned and came to believe that rejection is followed by abuse and that anyone is capable of that rejection.

Generalised Anxiety and Fear

This belief got so ingrained in him that he became fearful of everyone, not just bullies. This general anxiety affected every part of his life, making social interactions feel like walking through fire. It was like the space around people was alive with fire, danger, he recalled. And I couldn’t control my exposure to it. I had to go to school, go to work, shop for groceries, be a citizen in society.

Detachment as a Defence Mechanism

In response to this constant fear, Andrew’s subconscious developed a unique defence mechanism. He detached from his body, seeing it as just a tool that others could exploit. This detachment was his way of surviving in a dangerous world, a world too unsafe for feeling or caring about what happened to his body. So, he sacrificed his connection to his physical self to protect his emotional core. You can do anything you want to my body, but that’s not me and it never will be, and you’ll never reach or harm me again, he described.

Struggles with Self-Harm

For as long as he can remember, Andrew has struggled with urges to self-harm, especially when he's in emotional pain. He thought that harming his body might break the connection to his pain and free him from it, though he knows now that this belief is flawed. I don’t know how long I’ve had cutting urges, but in response to emotional pain, I always want to cut my body as though that will break the connection to the pain and free me of it, he said. He experiences flashbacks, especially related to his past traumas, which trigger intense urges to self-harm. But he resists these urges, fighting against the overwhelming desire to hurt himself. I get minor flashbacks to things, and it triggers me, making me want to cut. I can’t handle the memory of abuse without wanting to shred my arm completely.

Finding Trust and Support

Despite his anxiety and fear, Andrew has found people he can trust. A simple hug from someone who cares makes him feel safe and accepted, challenging the belief that rejection will always lead to more pain. He has found comfort and joy in the companionship of a friend with whom he can share close, non-physical moments, which make life feel bearable. My favorite thing is to get a hug from someone who cares. It makes me feel safe and accepted, he shared. I’ve even had a friend I can snuggle and cuddle with, and life doesn’t get any better than that for me.

A New Source of Strength

Recently, Andrew has found solace and support in his new girlfriend. She is always supportive, safe, accepting, and loving, providing him with a secure space to be vulnerable and hurt. Her unwavering support and love have given Andrew the strength to throw away his self-harm tools and commit to his healing journey. She gives me a safe space to be hurt and to be vulnerable. And I trust her, he said.

Andrew’s story shows the power of trust, love, and human connection in overcoming deep-seated trauma. His journey is ongoing, but his courage and resilience shine through as he continues to fight for his well-being and happiness.